Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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