i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize