i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Randomize
