I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
