Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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