I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
