She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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