Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
