When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
