Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
