Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
