exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
