Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
