just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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