Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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