Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
