my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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