careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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