I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
