the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
