During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I need moral support for this bender
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
