I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
