and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
