where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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