I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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