Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
