So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
