careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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