I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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