You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
