How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
