when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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