i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
