i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
