why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
