Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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