I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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