He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
