Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
