Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize