in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize