once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
