Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you had me at cake vodka
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
