Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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