True but thats because hes a fetus.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
