i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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