Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
