8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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