I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
