After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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