I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
