im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
