I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize