I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
