Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
we should paint friendship bongs
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