I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
So squirting runs in the family.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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