mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
