I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
