if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
