I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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