They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
