i think my mom watched the whole time
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
