from now on my penis is your penis
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
