I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
