idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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