so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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