I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
