Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
