Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Your tits are I can't wait for
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
