Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize