One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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