You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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