2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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