So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
