SEEEEXXX PLEASE
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Still dying that you shit outside
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
