i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
