Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize