This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
