I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
