Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
