In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
