Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i wish my penis had a tongue
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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