the condom got lost in my hair
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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