that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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