We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
