I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
