Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
