so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
