We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize