I think I won the penis lottery.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
