giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
