There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Randomize
