I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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