Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
