the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
