i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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