We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize