He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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