And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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